my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm just crazy horny about you
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Randomize
