Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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