i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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