do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
