So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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