Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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