Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you would pick up someone in the library
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
