batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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