I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
