I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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