that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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