Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
