Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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