Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
