Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
