i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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