I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize