they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
