btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
