Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I pour the whiskey from now on
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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