i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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