I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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