At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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