Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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