You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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