nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
