if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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