College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
