So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
