i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I supernannyed him into submission
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
