your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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