4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
