there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
