I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
