he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't deserve a penis
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
