Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
