fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
