I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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