JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
