Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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