Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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