just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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