My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
