you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
