and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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