And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
