wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize