I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
