Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
