I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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