I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
