its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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