i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
