No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
