he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize