i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
