There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
