are you still at the devil's house?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
