i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
