Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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