I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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