Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
