My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
