I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize