and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
