so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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