thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
