Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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