In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
