When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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