dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My feet surprised me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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