So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
