I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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