yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
