Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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