Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
