Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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