I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
