i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
