I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
