Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
