I can feel you judging me through the phone.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
