My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
