YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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