theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
