I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
