she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
