I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
either way he was missing a nipple.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
