My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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