The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
