Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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