with your own penis?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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