ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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