my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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