Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
