woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
