I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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