capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
