when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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