its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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